he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
