Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
