When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
