I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
