So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
