don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
