apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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