I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
