ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
