FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
