You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
