Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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