Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize