i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
