Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
