So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
