she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
