I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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