Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
