You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
