What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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