never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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