Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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