And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
