i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ttyl tear gas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
