I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
