Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
