It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
