I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
