i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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