i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
