hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
