Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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