Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize