just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
