you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
