I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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