So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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