It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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