i don't like sucking hair
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
