toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
