Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
