Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
