i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
