Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
