this boner is exhausting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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