He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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