omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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