just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
