Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
