paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
