I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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