i permit you to call me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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