My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
