Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize