oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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