shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
