so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
