how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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