I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
