He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
