I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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