Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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