i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone came in the potted fern
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
